Discovering Who I Am

Archive for the ‘The Church’ Category

In his book Not the Religious Type: Confessions of a Turncoat Atheist, David Schmelzer talks about a turning point in his life when he read a lecture by psychologist, M. Scott Peck, about the four stages of faith.

Peck talks about an odd thing he’d noticed in his practice. Some patients would begin therapy as deeply troubled, deeply religious people. He’d help them, and—to his mind—part of their clear growth would occur when they’d leave their religion behind. Other patients, just as troubled and then just as helped, would find faith as a result of their work together. What did that mean?

That question agitated Peck into proposing a four-stage theory of human spiritual and emotional development. He proposed that, in a perfect world, our spiritual development would exactly track with our emotional development. But, given our actual world, it rarely works that way. Traumas along the way can stop our growth in an earlier stage, which has implications not only on how we see the world but also in the way we regard other people and the purpose of life.

Schmelzer goes on to describe the four stages of faith as Peck saw them. He calls the first stage the criminal stage and corresponds it to the toddler years. Toddlers are completely focused on their felt needs and have no capacity to account for the needs of others or for how their behavior impacts others.

You could make the case that people who get stuck in the criminal stage are often best served by two institutions: jail and the boardroom. Jail for obvious reasons… but high-functioning stage 1 folks can often be quite effective businesspeople (or politicians or, God forbid, pastors), because they’re relentlessly focused on winning, on getting what they want, whatever it takes.

He describes stage two Christians as rule-based and corresponds them to age 6 or 7. During this stage, one realizes that there are a set of rules and behavioral expectations that, once embraced, offer a formula for life that works pretty well.

Two institutions might best serve stage 2: the military and the church. The military, again, for obvious reasons. It has famously been a transitional institution for people coming from chaotic backgrounds. It’s where they find discipline and boundaries. But it was the church part that grabbed my attention. Peck argues that most churches are stage 2. They exist to tell people the rules, to set the boundaries of life.

He takes great pains not to judge this. He emphasizes that whatever spiritual things happen at these churches are undoubtedly completely real and that, to his mind, the teachings there are effectively true. The heart and soul of America and most countries are right here in stage 2. These are the good people who get things done and raise strong families. The larger point rests, rather, in how this and other stages interact with each other. So let’s go on for a moment.

Stage three is described as rebellious and corresponds to the teen years. Read the rest of this entry »

In a recent blog post, Dr. Mariana Caplan shares 10 spiritually transmitted diseases that I thought were very insightful and some of which I have recognized in myself and the church at times.

1. Fast-Food Spirituality: Mix spirituality with a culture that celebrates speed, multitasking and instant gratification and the result is likely to be fast-food spirituality. Fast-food spirituality is a product of the common and understandable fantasy that relief from the suffering of our human condition can be quick and easy. One thing is clear, however: spiritual transformation cannot be had in a quick fix.

2. Faux Spirituality: Faux spirituality is the tendency to talk, dress and act as we imagine a spiritual person would. It is a kind of imitation spirituality that mimics spiritual realization in the way that leopard-skin fabric imitates the genuine skin of a leopard.

3. Confused Motivations: Although our desire to grow is genuine and pure, it often gets mixed with lesser motivations, including the wish to be loved, the desire to belong, the need to fill our internal emptiness, the belief that the spiritual path will remove our suffering and spiritual ambition, the wish to be special, to be better than, to be “the one.”

4. Identifying with Spiritual Experiences: In this disease, the ego identifies with our spiritual experience and takes it as its own, and we begin to believe that we are embodying insights that have arisen within us at certain times. In most cases, it does not last indefinitely, although it tends to endure for longer periods of time in those who believe themselves to be enlightened and/or who function as spiritual teachers.

5. The Spiritualized Ego: This disease occurs when the very structure of the egoic personality becomes deeply embedded with spiritual concepts and ideas. The result is an egoic structure that is “bullet-proof.” When the ego becomes spiritualized, we are invulnerable to help, new input, or constructive feedback. We become impenetrable human beings and are stunted in our spiritual growth, all in the name of spirituality.

6. Mass Production of Spiritual Teachers: There are a number of current trendy spiritual traditions that produce people who believe themselves to be at a level of spiritual enlightenment, or mastery, that is far beyond their actual level. This disease functions like a spiritual conveyor belt: put on this glow, get that insight, and — bam! — you’re enlightened and ready to enlighten others in similar fashion. The problem is not that such teachers instruct but that they represent themselves as having achieved spiritual mastery.

7. Spiritual Pride: Spiritual pride arises when the practitioner, through years of labored effort, has actually attained a certain level of wisdom and uses that attainment to justify shutting down to further experience. A feeling of “spiritual superiority” is another symptom of this spiritually transmitted disease. It manifests as a subtle feeling that “I am better, more wise and above others because I am spiritual.”

8. Group Mind: Also described as groupthink, cultic mentality or ashram disease, group mind is an insidious virus that contains many elements of traditional co-dependence. A spiritual group makes subtle and unconscious agreements regarding the correct ways to think, talk, dress, and act. Individuals and groups infected with “group mind” reject individuals, attitudes, and circumstances that do not conform to the often unwritten rules of the group.

9. The Chosen-People Complex: The chosen people complex is not limited to Jews. It is the belief that “Our group is more spiritually evolved, powerful, enlightened and, simply put, better than any other group.” There is an important distinction between the recognition that one has found the right path, teacher or community for themselves, and having found The One.

10. The Deadly Virus: “I Have Arrived”: This disease is so potent that it has the capacity to be terminal and deadly to our spiritual evolution. This is the belief that “I have arrived” at the final goal of the spiritual path. Our spiritual progress ends at the point where this belief becomes crystallized in our psyche, for the moment we begin to believe that we have reached the end of the path, further growth ceases.

Marc Gafni claims, “The essence of love is perception, therefore the essence of self love is self perception. You can only fall in love with someone you can see clearly–including yourself. To love is to have eyes to see. It is only when you see yourself clearly that you can begin to love yourself.”

Science has proven over and over again how powerful faith can be. Here are some examples of the power of belief from the book Biology of Belief, by Bruce Lipton.

Dr. Bruce Mosely of Baylor School of Medicine tested the power of belief on a group of patients suffering from Arthritic knees. He shaved the cartilage in one group, flushed out the knee joint in another group and made incisions and faked the surgery on a third group. All three groups improved & the placebo group improved just as much as the other two groups.
Dr Mosely said, “My skill as a surgeon had no benefit on these patients. The entire benefit of surgery for osteoarthritis of the knee was the placebo effect.” One member of the placebo group, Tim Perez, had to walk with a cane before the “surgery” but can now play basketball with his grandchildren.

Psychiatrist Walter Brown of Brown University has proposed that placebo pills be the first treatment for patients with mild or moderate depression. Studies have shown that even when people know they’re not getting a drug, the placebo pills work. Professor of Psychology, Irving Kirsch, from the University of Connecticut, had to invoke the Freedom of Information Act in 2001 to get information on the clinical trials of the top antidepressants on the market today. The data shows that in more than half of the clinical trials for the six leading antidepressants, the drugs did not outperform placebo sugar pills. Antidepressants have performed better and better in clinical trials over the years, suggesting that their placebo effects are in part due to savvy marketing. The more the media and advertisers have touted the miracle of antidepressants, the more effective they have become. People believe that antidepressants work, and so they do.

A California  interior designer, Janis Schonfeld, after suffering 30 years of depression, took part in a clinical trial in 1997 for Effexor. She was absolutely stunned when found out she had been on a placebo. The brain scans she received throughout the study found that the activity of her prefrontal cortex was greatly enhanced. She even experienced nausea, a common Effexor side effect.

Dr. Clifton Meador talks about his patient, Sam Londe, who was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus– considered 100% fatal at the time (1974). Sam was well aware that everyone in the medical community “expected” that his cancer would recur. No surprise when Londe died a few weeks after diagnosis. However, an autopsy showed no esophageal cancer. Dr. Meador concluded that Londe died because he believed he was going to die.

If what we believe is so powerful in the area of disease and physical health, I wonder how our views of God impact who we become and how we interact with the world around us. I have often heard the idiom, we become like the god we believe in. I believe in a God of love, grace, compassion and creativity; one who accepts and approves me regardless of my mistakes and flaws… or do I? If this is the God I believe in, then why do I not demonstrate the same love, grace, compassion and acceptance towards others?

David Kinnaman, Barna Group president and author of the book, UnChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity, conducted a study of young people, ages 16-29. He found that the vast majority of non-Christians — 87 percent — said Christianity was judgmental and 85 percent said it was hypocritical. Even the majority of active church-goers surveyed agreed, with 52 percent saying Christianity is judgmental, and 47 percent declaring it hypocritical. Is God judgmental? If most Christians were believing in a God of love and acceptance, would the majority of non-Christians see Christianity as judgmental?

Kinnaman said, “The anti-homosexual perception has now become sort of the Geiger counter of Christians’ ability to love and work with people.” If Christians response to homosexuality is any indication of the nature of the God we believe in, then I fear the majority of us are not seeing God as loving and gracious, but as judgmental and disapproving. Our inability to love and accept someone because of their sin is a reflection of our belief that God does not love and accept us when we sin.

Kinnaman said “When Jesus pursued people, he was much more critical of pride and much more critical of spiritual arrogance than he was of people who were sinful. And today’s Christians, if you spend enough time looking at their attitudes and actions, really are not like Jesus when it comes to that.”

Another survey of U.S. adults who don’t go to church, even on holidays, finds 72 percent say “God, a higher or supreme being, actually exists.” But just as many, 72% percent, also say the church is “full of hypocrites.” Most of the unchurched, 86% percent, say they believe they can have a “good relationship with God without belonging to a church.” And 79 percent say “Christianity today is more about organized religion than loving God and loving people.”

“These outsiders are making a clear comment that churches are not getting through on the two greatest commandments,” to love God and love your neighbor, says Scott McConnell, associate director of LifeWay Research. “When they look at churches … they don’t see people living out the faith.”

I would suggest that Mr. McConnell is wrong in his assessment. I believe that, too often, Christians are living out their faith– they are reflecting the very essence of their belief about God. And if it is true that we become like the God we believe in, many of us might want to reevaluate our view of God before we poison our own spiritual being and alienate others from the love of God. Are you becoming like the God you believe in?

Here is a different perspective than most of us have received as Christians:

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

–Marianne Williamson from her book A Return to Love

Your thoughts?….

I am codependent. Every day I realize more how codependent I am. Codependency is generally defined as looking to others to meet a need that they could never possibly meet. Most of the conflicts in my relationship with my wife and others is a result of my codependency. When I stop to think about it, most everything I do in life is motivated by a driving need to fill an elusive void in my heart; a strong sense of lack. Some would describe the sense of lack as low self-worth. Others may use the word emptiness. Still others would call it loneliness. Thousands of phobias and destructive emotional patterns, when reduced to their most basic feeling, are rooted in the sense of lack.

The most frustrating thing about this feeling of lack and the unhealthy life patterns that result is that the harder I try to be a better person, the more lack I experience and the more of a failure I feel. I have spent my life trying to break free. I have gone to church consistently, striving to be a good Christian. I have prayed, read my Bible, confessed my sins and made myself accountable to others.

But recently I have been learning a new perspective. Religion makes rules and laws designed to lead us to perfection but instead take us deeper into the feeling of lack. We ignore the truth that says that laws can only make us more aware of our failures and can in no way give us power over sin.

Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin. –Romans 3:20

…the strength of sin is the law. –1 Cor 15:56

In his book, Breaking the Cycle, Dr. James Richards says:

The sense of lack comes from not knowing, believing, and experiencing all that we have been freely given in Jesus. The church has been systematically trained to ask the wrong questions. Most of our questions are based on the presumption of lack. We do not really believe in the promises that come to us through the finished work of Jesus. When my beliefs are not based on the completed work of Jesus, I do not connect with the fact that I am complete in Jesus. Once I accept the idea that there is something God has not done for me, I abandon the promises and the power that makes it possible for me to live a victorious life.

My beliefs drive my emotions and my emotions drive my actions and I begin to be driven by fear rather than faith. What I focus on most is reproduced in my life and my feelings are validated and I begin to trust my feelings more than the realities of God and thus the cycle begins.

Dr. Richards insists that when my sense of wholeness and completeness (my feeling of righteousness) is based on the finished work of Jesus (His death, burial and resurrection and all that it purchased), I become free from the power of lack. True completeness comes from the sense of who I am, not what I have or what I do. When I believe that I am a new creation in Jesus I cease pursuing the destructive process of becoming. I focus on who I already am and by focusing on that truth, emotions follow, and I begin acting according to that truth rather than according to lack. Lack makes me the center of every equation. Faith, on the other hand, makes Jesus the center.

The more I understand God’s love for me and His desire to meet my needs, the less lack I will feel and less codependency will surface in my relationships. I am approved by God and He has already given me all I need for life and Godliness.

I don’t normally post entire articles, but this one by Wayne Jacobsen, the author of So You Don’t Want To Go To Church Anymore, answers so well,  many of the questions I have been getting from fellow-Christians that I wanted to share it.

Why I Don’t Go To Church Anymore: Living in the Relational Church – Part 6
By Wayne Jacobsen
BodyLife • May 2001

Dear Fellow-believer,

I do appreciate your concern for me and your willingness to raise issues that have caused you concern. I know the way I relate to the church is a bit unconventional and some even call it dangerous. Believe me, I understand that concern because I used to think that way myself and even taught others to as well.

If you are happy with the status quo of organized religion today, you may not like what you read here. My purpose is not to convince you to see this incredible church the same way I do, but to answer your questions as openly and honestly as I can. Even if we don’t end up agreeing, hopefully you will understand that our differences need not estrange us as members of Christ’s body.
Where do you go to church?

I have never liked this question, even when I was able to answer it with a specific organization. I know what it means culturally, but it is based on a false premise–that church is something you can go to as in a specific event, location or organized group. I think Jesus looks at the church quite differently. He didn’t talk about it as a place to go to, but a way of living in relationship to him and to other followers of his.

Asking me where I go to church is like asking me where I go to Jacobsen. How do I answer that? I am a Jacobsen and where I go a Jacobsen is. ‘Church’ is that kind of word. It doesn’t identify a location or an institution. It describes a people and how they relate to each other. If we lose sight of that, our understanding of the church will be distorted and we’ll miss out on much of its joy.
Are you just trying to avoid the question?

I know it may only sound like quibbling over words, but words are important. When we only ascribe the term ‘church’ to weekend gatherings or institutions that have organized themselves as ‘churches’ we miss out on what it means to live as Christ’s body. It will give us a false sense of security to think that by attending a meeting once a week we are participating in God’s church. Conversely I hear people talk about ‘leaving the church’ when they stop attending a specific congregation.

But if the church is something we are, not someplace we go, how can we leave it unless we abandon Christ himself? And if I think only of a specific congregation as my part of the church, haven’t I separated myself from a host of other brothers and sisters that do not attend the same one I do?

The idea that those who gather on Sunday mornings to watch a praise concert and listen to a teaching are part of the church and those who do not, are not, would be foreign to Jesus. The issue is not where we are at a given time during the weekend, but how we are living in him and with other believers all week long.
But don’t we need regular fellowship?

I wouldn’t say we need it. If we were in a place where we couldn’t find other believers, Jesus certainly would be able to take care of us. Thus, I’d phrase that a bit differently: Will people who are growing to know the Living God also desire real and meaningful connections with other believers? Absolutely! The call to the kingdom is not a call to isolation. Every person I’ve ever met who is thriving in the life of Jesus has a desire to share authentic fellowship with other believers. They realize that whatever they know of God’s life is just in part, and only the fullest revelation of him is in the church.

But sometimes that kind of fellowship is not easy to find. Periodically on this journey we may go through times when we can’t seem to find any other believers who share our hunger. That’s especially true for those who find that conforming to the expectations of the religious institutions around them diminishes their relationship with Jesus. They may find themselves excluded by believers with whom they’ve shared close friendship. But no one going through that looks on that time as a treat. It is incredibly painful and they will look for other hungry believers to share the journey with.

My favorite expression of body life is where a local group of people chooses to walk together for a bit of the journey by cultivating close friendships and learning how to listen to God together.
Shouldn’t we be committed to a local fellowship?

That has been said so often today, that most of us assume it is in the Bible somewhere. I haven’t found it yet. Many of us have been led to believe that we can’t possibly survive without the ‘covering of the body’ and will either fall into error or backslide into sin. But doesn’t that happen inside our local congregations as well?

Read the rest of this entry »