Discovering Who I Am

Archive for the ‘Family and Life’ Category

I was recently asked, who are the three people who have had the most influence on my life.

My father, Lonny

The most influential person overall would have to be my father, Lonny. He has impacted who I am as a person and is responsible for imparting the values that guide me through life’s most important decisions. Among the many principles and values I learned from my father is that there is a difference between authority and position. He never needed a position or title to validate the quiet, confident authority God gave him. He taught me the difference between knowledge and wisdom. Being an artist as well, my father taught me how to create as a created being made in the image of the Creator. And one of the most critical principles I learned from my father is how to operate in God’s economy of giving and receiving as compared to the worlds economy of buying and selling. He gave freely and received graciously.

Me with my wife, Jennifer

Second to my father, my wife, Jennifer has had significant influence in my life. I am privileged to have married a woman who has a special ability to see beyond the skin of the world to the deeper matters of the kingdom. Her keen gift of discernment has been a source of much needed insight and perspective in the midst of complex and often confusing seasons of life. She has consistently understood more about me than I seem to understand about myself and has encouraged and challenged me to become something greater every day. Jennifer’s willingness to embrace risk and make life work on less during the early years of establishing Harvest Media were a critical part of the success we enjoy today. I truly wouldn’t be the man I am today, nor the privilege of doing what I do, without her.

Me and my brother, Lance, when we were kids

Third on my list would have to be my brother, Lance. The love for adventure and explorer’s heart I have today came out of scrambling to keep up with an older brother as he conquered the world Huckleberry Finn-style. He scoffed at risk and wouldn’t stop until he had found the end of every trail and seen the other side of every mountain. When an unfortunate knife accident resulted in the loss of my right eye when I was nine, the doctors prophesied I would never be able to live like other boys. With an absence of depth perception, I would struggle to ride a bike, to navigate rough terrain; I should be watched and protected. My parents responded by buying me a unicycle (which I learned to ride) and Lance continued taking me on adventures– challenging me to climb, swim, jump, fish, camp, ride motorcycles, water ski– everything I shouldn’t be able to do like the next guy, my brother taught me to do better.

I owe the vision to achieve to my father, the courage to take risks to my brother, and the support to carry through to my wife.

I am indeed a blessed man.

I have been listening back through The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People by Stephen Covey. In habit one, he talks about principles of personal vision and three widely accepted theories of determinism.

• Genetic determinism holds that you inherit your personal tendencies and character.
• Psychic determinism holds that your upbringing and childhood experiences mold you.
• Environmental determinism holds that environmental factors are responsible.

I’ve been thinking about where our images of ourselves, of others and of the way the world is supposed to be, come from. Every day we are reacting to others and to circumstances based on conclusions we have made, and the preconceived ideas and expectations of the world around us that come out of those conclusions. I have come to attribute those conclusions more and more to what Covey referred to as the “social mirror”.

From the time we are born, we are receiving identity messages from those around us and from the experiences we have, and we subconsciously come to conclusions about ourselves based on those value messages. When a parent, at a time of anger, says things like, “You’ll never amount to anything unless…” or, “If you were more like your brother (or sister)…” or when we are teased at school, or the last one picked on the team, or bullied and called names, or just not good at something; or when we are abandoned or rejected– any experience has the potential to send and deeply establish an identity message, and we begin to believe what we see reflected back to us through the social mirror.

Recently, I found myself responding in anger to my children when they weren’t in bed on time. We had developed a consistent routine of them dragging their feet on the way to bed, and me reacting in anger and frustration and threatening and cajoling them to bed every night. I realized that we were ending every day on a bad note and began asking myself why I was responding so emotionally to the situation.

Upon some reflection, I realized the root of my anger. I was brought up in a very strict home where getting in to bed late was seen as showing serious disrespect for my parents. Dishonoring parents was a major offense. It occurred to me that I was subconsciously receiving their refusal to try and get in bed on time as a statement about my value and the value of my rules and felt disrespected and dishonored. Because I was translating their behavior this way, I was personally hurt and reactive, instead of just offering consequences in love and allowing them to make the decision whether they wanted to suffer those consequences.

Frankl, a psychologist in the Freudian tradition, contends that “between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.” Covey insists there are two different types of people, reactive and proactive. Reactive people are driven by feelings, circumstances, conditions, the environment. Proactive people are driven by carefully considered, selected and internalized values. Covey insists that Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern, and proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence.

When I experience a strong emotional reaction during curtain circumstances, or respond irrationally at times, I might stop to consider the source. Chances are, I will find at it’s root a conclusion or expectation made after looking in the social mirror and believing what I saw there.

Based on accounts in the Bible, Jesus didn’t ever seem to be effected by what he saw in the social mirror. He was called a bastard and judged and rejected throughout his life. But he was so connected to the Father’s heart, and who God made him to be, that he stayed grounded in the truth of who he is and was able to live his life on earth as a proactive person who wasn’t distracted by the circle of concern, but was focused on the circle of influence– and no man has had a greater influence on mankind.

As I was driving through the downtown area on my way to work this morning, I was thinking about how I love catching quick glimpses of life happening along the way. From the lounging homeless men loitering in the park to the purposeful walk of a businessman to the determined focus of a cyclist to the socializing group of women sitting outside a cafe; snapshots of life being lived in all of it’s many forms can be seen wherever you look.

I wonder about the lives of the people I see as I pass by. Are they happy where they are at? Are they pursuing their dreams?

During a recent trip to Cambodia, our van broke down by the side of the road in a rural area far from any cities. For a few hours I had the privilege of observing the lives of a few Cambodian families who lived alongside the road. They had small business ventures set up in front of their homes. One family was selling fuel to the passing motos and motorcars. Another had a roadside food stand. Others moved up and down the stretch of highway selling wares, or food. None seemed to be in a hurry, and it was clear they lived a subsistence lifestyle; making just enough money today to cover the needs of today. It was surreal being such a close observer of a scene similar to thousands of others that had flown by the van window during that trip and a dozen others.

In a way I envied their slow-paced existence and their seeming contentment to spend their lives watching others travel by on their way to somewhere they had never been. I found myself wondering, if I had been born to one of these families, would I be content to live out my life in such a small corner of the world. I supposed that if all you knew was contained within a few square miles, and you had no access to TV or the the internet, you might live the extent of your life never knowing what you missed. And although there were clearly aspects to their culture and lifestyle that lent to strong family and community relationships, I found myself very grateful I wasn’t born to a third-world family.

But at the same time, I know that, despite my larger view of the world, I have limitations in my vision based on my subjective position. It is interesting how our expectations of life are so often determined by the limitations of our experience. Sometimes I look at others and feel like I am standing still; sitting next to the highway watching them fly by on their way to somewhere meaningful. I often ask God to expand my view so I won’t miss out on all He has for me. I believe all desires and dreams come from God, but we too often seek to fulfill our God-given desires outside of His provision. I burn with desire for a greater vision and to impact the world for His glory and I find that with each new experience; with each new trip abroad; with each book I read; with each new person I meet; with each new road I travel, the picture I have of God expands along with the vision for where I fit in.

I challenge you to discover a new road to explore today.

I have been reading George Barna’s book, Revolution, which is about some major changes happening in the way believers are expressing and experiencing their faith and the means through which it is made real. Barna speaks of a growing number of Christians who are disenfranchised with the traditional church model.

They have no use for churches that play religious games, whether those games are worship services that drone on without the presence of God or ministry programs that bear no spiritual fruit. They refuse to follow people in ministry leadership who cast a personal vision rather than God’s, who seek popularity rather than proclamation of the truth in their public statements, or who are more concerned about their own legacy than that of Jesus Christ. They refuse to donate one more dollar to man-made monuments that mark their own achievements and guarantee their place in history.

Barna speaks of Christians who are frustrated at being “…mired in an agonizing revolving door of trial-and-error efforts in a disheartening and unfulfilling search for truth, integrity, meaning, wholeness, connection, passion, and inner peace.” He introduces a new class of “revolutionary” believers who are “…confidently returning to a first-century lifestyle based on faith, goodness, love, generosity, kindness, and simplicity…” I, nor George Barna, am saying there is anything inherently wrong with being involved in a local church. The traditional church in America many have come to cherish– the services, offices, programs, buildings, ceremonies– is neither biblical nor unbiblical; such an organization is not addressed in the Bible. It is not about the church, it is about the Church. It is not about going to church, it is about being the Church, and for many, like myself, a lifetime immersion in the institutional church has often resulted in more barriers than channels to an authentic relationship with God.

As I have traveled internationally I have witnessed many expressions of the local church. Africa, in particular, painted a common and unfortunate picture of man’s tendency toward religion over relationship. While traveling in remote areas of Zambia, Uganda, Mozambique, South Africa and Ghana, I noticed that the young, start-up churches in the villages mostly consisted of small groups of people, meeting under the shade of a tree or in someone’s home. The worship consisted of beautiful acapella singing in traditional, African rhythms and harmonies, sometimes with drums, always with dancing. The pastor would share a message during which discussion and interaction among the believers was encouraged. But then when I visited churches in the larger towns and cities, the picture dramatically changed. The meetings happened in large church buildings with blaring and distorted sound systems. The traditional singing was lost to “contemporary worship” imported from the West, complete with full bands of guitars and keyboards and drums sets. The sermon was delivered by the “senior pastor” with great fanfare and pomp. The contrast was alarming! I felt that the village church was intimate and relational while the big city church was religious and impersonal. I believe that something was lost in the “evolution” of the African church when the Western model of a formal organization and facility and technology was introduced, and it saddened my heart.

I have a local church which my family and I attend on occasion, and where we still find life-giving teaching and worship. But we have given up a sense of obligation to attend every Sunday in order to feel that we are right with God. We reject the co-dependency and exclusivity so often found in becoming a “member” of a local church. We are blessed with a large family, all of whom are actively believers, and we have found a small community of believers who are hungry for the same authentic pursuit of relationship with God and His people, with whom we meet a couple of times a week, sharing a common journey from religion to relationship.

Mom & Dad,
As I have considered God’s faithfulness to you over the last 50 years, I can’t help but see the rich heritage you have left to your children and grandchildren. With every new year I come to a greater understanding of the depth and significance of all I have learned and gained from you. Each time I learn a new principle or idea about how to live a successful life in God’s kingdom, I have found that the idea or principle is already so familiar and I stop and ask, “Where do I know that from?” Inevitably, I find it is because you had already modeled that lesson or principle.

I wanted to share some of the life lessons I have learned from my father and mother:

• The fundamental spiritual nature of life. It might be easy to take for granted, but not everyone grows up with parents who understand that everything that happens in life has a spiritual nature and spiritual roots. You have always taken that into account and I know that is a great generational blessing.
• How to look past the skin of the world and see the things of the kingdom. Your sensitivity to kingdom dynamics in every facet of life has been the foundation on which God has built mine.
• Mom, you have shown me how to love unconditionally and how to guide and encourage without judgment.
• Dad, you have taught me the difference between authority in position and authority in relationship. You have never needed position, titles or recognition to validate the quiet, confident authority God has given you.
• Leadership by wisdom and example over knowledge or position. One of the first things I learned from you is that there is a big difference between knowledge and wisdom. You have always been servant leaders.
• The importance of journey and process over expectations and accomplishment. You have always understood that God is more interested in the process than the end goal.
• A desire for experience over simple knowledge. You have not only pursued knowledge of God, but to truly experience a relationship with Him.
• How to recognize and pursue God’s spontaneous order over man’s rational structure. Man feels a need for structure, which can quickly become rigid. God desires order, but that order always comes with freedom and life.
• How to recognize truth in unexpected, sometimes abstract snapshots of life. Your gift to see the best in the oddities and quirks of others; to glean some truth or life lesson from virtually any situation or experience.
• How to create as created beings and a deep appreciation for all things created. Dad, your artistic gift for writing and painting and mom, your love for nature and God’s creation have been such a blessing to me.
• How to understand and operate in God’s economy of giving and receiving rather than the world’s economy of buying and selling. Watching you give things away rather than needing to sell them, and watching you graciously receive as God has provided for you through others has had a great impact on my life.

These are just a few of the many life lessons; the heritage you have passed on to me and the inheritance you are passing on to your grandchildren. I thank God for His faithfulness and I thank you for yours.

I love you,

Evan

Every one of us have people in our lives who are difficult to love. It may be a boss or co-worker. Or they may live closer to home, like a friend, sibling, parent or spouse. They may be struggling with deeply-established life patterns of sin. They may be angry and reacting out of hurt and wounds. Or maybe they are someone we have to interact with regularly who is just downright mean. In many cases we really want to love them, and in all cases, as Christians, we are called to love them– even when they are our enemy. How do I love someone who is unlovable?

First, I have to remind myself that love is a powerful weapon of spiritual warfare. Love is a supernatural force of God which brings life to those who receive it. Second, I have to know that this kind of love is not tied to my emotions. I do not have to “feel” like I love the person; I choose to to love them. Love is a verb. And third (and most important) I have to believe in the invisible. This is what is meant in 1 Corinthians 13:7 where it is written that love believes all things.

This kind of love leads to a revelation of a person’s true identity in Jesus. This kind of belief entails a download from God of His heart for the person and an understanding of how He sees them. I come to know, deep down in my heart, that this individual is more than the brokenness, weakness or meanness they may appear on the outside. With this revelation and understanding comes the energy and endurance I need to love and serve above and beyond my natural ability.

When I believe all things on behalf of another person, I release God’s Spirit into their life to convict them of sin, to heal them of wounds and to draw them to Himself. He fills me with the wisdom of His truth about a person so that I can speak that truth into their life and cut away lies. Isaiah 49:2 says that He made our mouth like a sharpened sword. This sword can cut both ways. We speak out of what we believe, and that either builds a person up in agreement with God, or is a destructive force in their life when we speak out of only what we see in the natural.

All we need do is ask Him, “Who do You see when you look at this person?”

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Proverbs 18:21

Just wanted to say hey to my brother lowell in beautiful Florida. I noticed you have been on the blog so I wanted to take an opportunity to tell you how glad I am that you are my brother and I wish I could see you more often. Tell that jewel of a sister of mine (Connie) hi and tell her that God loves her and thinks she is the greatest. (I can just see her smile right now, even from over here is Arizona).

Here is a favorite poem that reminds me of you when I read it:
THE ARROW AND THE SONG
I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where,
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of a song?

Long, Long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.
–Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

You were an arrow that was shot far into the distance long ago and we found you (or you found us I should say) and a song that was breathed into the air that has been found in the heart of our friend and brother, Lowell.

We love you and are thinking of you!

This is a poem I recently wrote of my beautiful and gracious wife, Jennifer.

Soft as starlight, warm as sunshine,
fresh as Spring blossom pink.
Slender form as willow poised,
silken brush as gentle breeze

Haven in Her embrace secure;
warm caress, solace eternal .
Peace and rest in faith abide.
Fair and trusting regard Her name

Determined to all She sets her mind;
dedicated to all upon Her heart.
Blessing with a vision faith;
believing in all the highest.

Silver essence of wisdom flows
throughout Her sable locks.
The mysteries of Her design
whisper from Her deep brown eyes.

Grace is Her expression.
Virtue is Her way.
Elegance in each movement conveyed.
Beauty frames Her countenance.

Our paths forever intertwine
unto the twilight of our journey.
She is the substance of all love;
my beautiful gift divine.

–by Evan Grae Davis

Today is Jennifer’s 34th birthday. She is my greatest earthly treasure. I am such a blessed man to have a wife who loves God, pursues Truth, exudes beauty, graces our home and family in every way and gifts me with her love every day. I know I would not have achieved a fraction of what I have been blessed to be a part of in this life if it weren’t for God giving me a wife who shares my passion for greater purpose and who looks beyond the trappings of this world to the things of eternal value. I bless her today and for this coming year. May she realize her greater vision and purpose this year. May God bless her and keep her. May He make His face to shine upon her. May He lift up His countenance upon her and give her peace.

I wanted to share with the world one of the most meaningful and valuable things of mine: my Father’s Blessing, given me on my 40th birthday. Written by my father, Lonny Davis:

Dear Evan, yesterday was your fortieth birthday. I think there must be some mistake. Can you really be that old? It doesn’t seem that long ago that your mother and I were praying you would live long enough to become an adult. You were so full of energy, overflowing with imagination and ready to try anything some other guy tried, no matter how much older and more experienced he might have been.

You were always ready for fun, relishing a prank or surprise for your brother, sisters and friends. You were also a pretty good sport, taking what you dished out. I thought your groomsmen offered, during your wedding, a rather appropriate salute. Though the minister took offense, I enjoyed it. It’s O.K. to be different. How many brothers would eat mud pies made by their older sisters? You ate Chellee’s that she fed you when you were three years old. Encouraging and supportive little brother!

When you lost your right eye, mom and I were seemingly affected the deepest. We grieved, while you had fun scaring the girls. Read the rest of this entry »