Discovering Who I Am

Archive for the ‘Culture’ Category

I have been listening back through The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People by Stephen Covey. In habit one, he talks about principles of personal vision and three widely accepted theories of determinism.

• Genetic determinism holds that you inherit your personal tendencies and character.
• Psychic determinism holds that your upbringing and childhood experiences mold you.
• Environmental determinism holds that environmental factors are responsible.

I’ve been thinking about where our images of ourselves, of others and of the way the world is supposed to be, come from. Every day we are reacting to others and to circumstances based on conclusions we have made, and the preconceived ideas and expectations of the world around us that come out of those conclusions. I have come to attribute those conclusions more and more to what Covey referred to as the “social mirror”.

From the time we are born, we are receiving identity messages from those around us and from the experiences we have, and we subconsciously come to conclusions about ourselves based on those value messages. When a parent, at a time of anger, says things like, “You’ll never amount to anything unless…” or, “If you were more like your brother (or sister)…” or when we are teased at school, or the last one picked on the team, or bullied and called names, or just not good at something; or when we are abandoned or rejected– any experience has the potential to send and deeply establish an identity message, and we begin to believe what we see reflected back to us through the social mirror.

Recently, I found myself responding in anger to my children when they weren’t in bed on time. We had developed a consistent routine of them dragging their feet on the way to bed, and me reacting in anger and frustration and threatening and cajoling them to bed every night. I realized that we were ending every day on a bad note and began asking myself why I was responding so emotionally to the situation.

Upon some reflection, I realized the root of my anger. I was brought up in a very strict home where getting in to bed late was seen as showing serious disrespect for my parents. Dishonoring parents was a major offense. It occurred to me that I was subconsciously receiving their refusal to try and get in bed on time as a statement about my value and the value of my rules and felt disrespected and dishonored. Because I was translating their behavior this way, I was personally hurt and reactive, instead of just offering consequences in love and allowing them to make the decision whether they wanted to suffer those consequences.

Frankl, a psychologist in the Freudian tradition, contends that “between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.” Covey insists there are two different types of people, reactive and proactive. Reactive people are driven by feelings, circumstances, conditions, the environment. Proactive people are driven by carefully considered, selected and internalized values. Covey insists that Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern, and proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence.

When I experience a strong emotional reaction during curtain circumstances, or respond irrationally at times, I might stop to consider the source. Chances are, I will find at it’s root a conclusion or expectation made after looking in the social mirror and believing what I saw there.

Based on accounts in the Bible, Jesus didn’t ever seem to be effected by what he saw in the social mirror. He was called a bastard and judged and rejected throughout his life. But he was so connected to the Father’s heart, and who God made him to be, that he stayed grounded in the truth of who he is and was able to live his life on earth as a proactive person who wasn’t distracted by the circle of concern, but was focused on the circle of influence– and no man has had a greater influence on mankind.

In a recent blog post, Dr. Mariana Caplan shares 10 spiritually transmitted diseases that I thought were very insightful and some of which I have recognized in myself and the church at times.

1. Fast-Food Spirituality: Mix spirituality with a culture that celebrates speed, multitasking and instant gratification and the result is likely to be fast-food spirituality. Fast-food spirituality is a product of the common and understandable fantasy that relief from the suffering of our human condition can be quick and easy. One thing is clear, however: spiritual transformation cannot be had in a quick fix.

2. Faux Spirituality: Faux spirituality is the tendency to talk, dress and act as we imagine a spiritual person would. It is a kind of imitation spirituality that mimics spiritual realization in the way that leopard-skin fabric imitates the genuine skin of a leopard.

3. Confused Motivations: Although our desire to grow is genuine and pure, it often gets mixed with lesser motivations, including the wish to be loved, the desire to belong, the need to fill our internal emptiness, the belief that the spiritual path will remove our suffering and spiritual ambition, the wish to be special, to be better than, to be “the one.”

4. Identifying with Spiritual Experiences: In this disease, the ego identifies with our spiritual experience and takes it as its own, and we begin to believe that we are embodying insights that have arisen within us at certain times. In most cases, it does not last indefinitely, although it tends to endure for longer periods of time in those who believe themselves to be enlightened and/or who function as spiritual teachers.

5. The Spiritualized Ego: This disease occurs when the very structure of the egoic personality becomes deeply embedded with spiritual concepts and ideas. The result is an egoic structure that is “bullet-proof.” When the ego becomes spiritualized, we are invulnerable to help, new input, or constructive feedback. We become impenetrable human beings and are stunted in our spiritual growth, all in the name of spirituality.

6. Mass Production of Spiritual Teachers: There are a number of current trendy spiritual traditions that produce people who believe themselves to be at a level of spiritual enlightenment, or mastery, that is far beyond their actual level. This disease functions like a spiritual conveyor belt: put on this glow, get that insight, and — bam! — you’re enlightened and ready to enlighten others in similar fashion. The problem is not that such teachers instruct but that they represent themselves as having achieved spiritual mastery.

7. Spiritual Pride: Spiritual pride arises when the practitioner, through years of labored effort, has actually attained a certain level of wisdom and uses that attainment to justify shutting down to further experience. A feeling of “spiritual superiority” is another symptom of this spiritually transmitted disease. It manifests as a subtle feeling that “I am better, more wise and above others because I am spiritual.”

8. Group Mind: Also described as groupthink, cultic mentality or ashram disease, group mind is an insidious virus that contains many elements of traditional co-dependence. A spiritual group makes subtle and unconscious agreements regarding the correct ways to think, talk, dress, and act. Individuals and groups infected with “group mind” reject individuals, attitudes, and circumstances that do not conform to the often unwritten rules of the group.

9. The Chosen-People Complex: The chosen people complex is not limited to Jews. It is the belief that “Our group is more spiritually evolved, powerful, enlightened and, simply put, better than any other group.” There is an important distinction between the recognition that one has found the right path, teacher or community for themselves, and having found The One.

10. The Deadly Virus: “I Have Arrived”: This disease is so potent that it has the capacity to be terminal and deadly to our spiritual evolution. This is the belief that “I have arrived” at the final goal of the spiritual path. Our spiritual progress ends at the point where this belief becomes crystallized in our psyche, for the moment we begin to believe that we have reached the end of the path, further growth ceases.

Marc Gafni claims, “The essence of love is perception, therefore the essence of self love is self perception. You can only fall in love with someone you can see clearly–including yourself. To love is to have eyes to see. It is only when you see yourself clearly that you can begin to love yourself.”

Science has proven over and over again how powerful faith can be. Here are some examples of the power of belief from the book Biology of Belief, by Bruce Lipton.

Dr. Bruce Mosely of Baylor School of Medicine tested the power of belief on a group of patients suffering from Arthritic knees. He shaved the cartilage in one group, flushed out the knee joint in another group and made incisions and faked the surgery on a third group. All three groups improved & the placebo group improved just as much as the other two groups.
Dr Mosely said, “My skill as a surgeon had no benefit on these patients. The entire benefit of surgery for osteoarthritis of the knee was the placebo effect.” One member of the placebo group, Tim Perez, had to walk with a cane before the “surgery” but can now play basketball with his grandchildren.

Psychiatrist Walter Brown of Brown University has proposed that placebo pills be the first treatment for patients with mild or moderate depression. Studies have shown that even when people know they’re not getting a drug, the placebo pills work. Professor of Psychology, Irving Kirsch, from the University of Connecticut, had to invoke the Freedom of Information Act in 2001 to get information on the clinical trials of the top antidepressants on the market today. The data shows that in more than half of the clinical trials for the six leading antidepressants, the drugs did not outperform placebo sugar pills. Antidepressants have performed better and better in clinical trials over the years, suggesting that their placebo effects are in part due to savvy marketing. The more the media and advertisers have touted the miracle of antidepressants, the more effective they have become. People believe that antidepressants work, and so they do.

A California  interior designer, Janis Schonfeld, after suffering 30 years of depression, took part in a clinical trial in 1997 for Effexor. She was absolutely stunned when found out she had been on a placebo. The brain scans she received throughout the study found that the activity of her prefrontal cortex was greatly enhanced. She even experienced nausea, a common Effexor side effect.

Dr. Clifton Meador talks about his patient, Sam Londe, who was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus– considered 100% fatal at the time (1974). Sam was well aware that everyone in the medical community “expected” that his cancer would recur. No surprise when Londe died a few weeks after diagnosis. However, an autopsy showed no esophageal cancer. Dr. Meador concluded that Londe died because he believed he was going to die.

If what we believe is so powerful in the area of disease and physical health, I wonder how our views of God impact who we become and how we interact with the world around us. I have often heard the idiom, we become like the god we believe in. I believe in a God of love, grace, compassion and creativity; one who accepts and approves me regardless of my mistakes and flaws… or do I? If this is the God I believe in, then why do I not demonstrate the same love, grace, compassion and acceptance towards others?

David Kinnaman, Barna Group president and author of the book, UnChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity, conducted a study of young people, ages 16-29. He found that the vast majority of non-Christians — 87 percent — said Christianity was judgmental and 85 percent said it was hypocritical. Even the majority of active church-goers surveyed agreed, with 52 percent saying Christianity is judgmental, and 47 percent declaring it hypocritical. Is God judgmental? If most Christians were believing in a God of love and acceptance, would the majority of non-Christians see Christianity as judgmental?

Kinnaman said, “The anti-homosexual perception has now become sort of the Geiger counter of Christians’ ability to love and work with people.” If Christians response to homosexuality is any indication of the nature of the God we believe in, then I fear the majority of us are not seeing God as loving and gracious, but as judgmental and disapproving. Our inability to love and accept someone because of their sin is a reflection of our belief that God does not love and accept us when we sin.

Kinnaman said “When Jesus pursued people, he was much more critical of pride and much more critical of spiritual arrogance than he was of people who were sinful. And today’s Christians, if you spend enough time looking at their attitudes and actions, really are not like Jesus when it comes to that.”

Another survey of U.S. adults who don’t go to church, even on holidays, finds 72 percent say “God, a higher or supreme being, actually exists.” But just as many, 72% percent, also say the church is “full of hypocrites.” Most of the unchurched, 86% percent, say they believe they can have a “good relationship with God without belonging to a church.” And 79 percent say “Christianity today is more about organized religion than loving God and loving people.”

“These outsiders are making a clear comment that churches are not getting through on the two greatest commandments,” to love God and love your neighbor, says Scott McConnell, associate director of LifeWay Research. “When they look at churches … they don’t see people living out the faith.”

I would suggest that Mr. McConnell is wrong in his assessment. I believe that, too often, Christians are living out their faith– they are reflecting the very essence of their belief about God. And if it is true that we become like the God we believe in, many of us might want to reevaluate our view of God before we poison our own spiritual being and alienate others from the love of God. Are you becoming like the God you believe in?

As I was driving through the downtown area on my way to work this morning, I was thinking about how I love catching quick glimpses of life happening along the way. From the lounging homeless men loitering in the park to the purposeful walk of a businessman to the determined focus of a cyclist to the socializing group of women sitting outside a cafe; snapshots of life being lived in all of it’s many forms can be seen wherever you look.

I wonder about the lives of the people I see as I pass by. Are they happy where they are at? Are they pursuing their dreams?

During a recent trip to Cambodia, our van broke down by the side of the road in a rural area far from any cities. For a few hours I had the privilege of observing the lives of a few Cambodian families who lived alongside the road. They had small business ventures set up in front of their homes. One family was selling fuel to the passing motos and motorcars. Another had a roadside food stand. Others moved up and down the stretch of highway selling wares, or food. None seemed to be in a hurry, and it was clear they lived a subsistence lifestyle; making just enough money today to cover the needs of today. It was surreal being such a close observer of a scene similar to thousands of others that had flown by the van window during that trip and a dozen others.

In a way I envied their slow-paced existence and their seeming contentment to spend their lives watching others travel by on their way to somewhere they had never been. I found myself wondering, if I had been born to one of these families, would I be content to live out my life in such a small corner of the world. I supposed that if all you knew was contained within a few square miles, and you had no access to TV or the the internet, you might live the extent of your life never knowing what you missed. And although there were clearly aspects to their culture and lifestyle that lent to strong family and community relationships, I found myself very grateful I wasn’t born to a third-world family.

But at the same time, I know that, despite my larger view of the world, I have limitations in my vision based on my subjective position. It is interesting how our expectations of life are so often determined by the limitations of our experience. Sometimes I look at others and feel like I am standing still; sitting next to the highway watching them fly by on their way to somewhere meaningful. I often ask God to expand my view so I won’t miss out on all He has for me. I believe all desires and dreams come from God, but we too often seek to fulfill our God-given desires outside of His provision. I burn with desire for a greater vision and to impact the world for His glory and I find that with each new experience; with each new trip abroad; with each book I read; with each new person I meet; with each new road I travel, the picture I have of God expands along with the vision for where I fit in.

I challenge you to discover a new road to explore today.

I don’t normally post entire articles, but this one by Wayne Jacobsen, the author of So You Don’t Want To Go To Church Anymore, answers so well,  many of the questions I have been getting from fellow-Christians that I wanted to share it.

Why I Don’t Go To Church Anymore: Living in the Relational Church – Part 6
By Wayne Jacobsen
BodyLife • May 2001

Dear Fellow-believer,

I do appreciate your concern for me and your willingness to raise issues that have caused you concern. I know the way I relate to the church is a bit unconventional and some even call it dangerous. Believe me, I understand that concern because I used to think that way myself and even taught others to as well.

If you are happy with the status quo of organized religion today, you may not like what you read here. My purpose is not to convince you to see this incredible church the same way I do, but to answer your questions as openly and honestly as I can. Even if we don’t end up agreeing, hopefully you will understand that our differences need not estrange us as members of Christ’s body.
Where do you go to church?

I have never liked this question, even when I was able to answer it with a specific organization. I know what it means culturally, but it is based on a false premise–that church is something you can go to as in a specific event, location or organized group. I think Jesus looks at the church quite differently. He didn’t talk about it as a place to go to, but a way of living in relationship to him and to other followers of his.

Asking me where I go to church is like asking me where I go to Jacobsen. How do I answer that? I am a Jacobsen and where I go a Jacobsen is. ‘Church’ is that kind of word. It doesn’t identify a location or an institution. It describes a people and how they relate to each other. If we lose sight of that, our understanding of the church will be distorted and we’ll miss out on much of its joy.
Are you just trying to avoid the question?

I know it may only sound like quibbling over words, but words are important. When we only ascribe the term ‘church’ to weekend gatherings or institutions that have organized themselves as ‘churches’ we miss out on what it means to live as Christ’s body. It will give us a false sense of security to think that by attending a meeting once a week we are participating in God’s church. Conversely I hear people talk about ‘leaving the church’ when they stop attending a specific congregation.

But if the church is something we are, not someplace we go, how can we leave it unless we abandon Christ himself? And if I think only of a specific congregation as my part of the church, haven’t I separated myself from a host of other brothers and sisters that do not attend the same one I do?

The idea that those who gather on Sunday mornings to watch a praise concert and listen to a teaching are part of the church and those who do not, are not, would be foreign to Jesus. The issue is not where we are at a given time during the weekend, but how we are living in him and with other believers all week long.
But don’t we need regular fellowship?

I wouldn’t say we need it. If we were in a place where we couldn’t find other believers, Jesus certainly would be able to take care of us. Thus, I’d phrase that a bit differently: Will people who are growing to know the Living God also desire real and meaningful connections with other believers? Absolutely! The call to the kingdom is not a call to isolation. Every person I’ve ever met who is thriving in the life of Jesus has a desire to share authentic fellowship with other believers. They realize that whatever they know of God’s life is just in part, and only the fullest revelation of him is in the church.

But sometimes that kind of fellowship is not easy to find. Periodically on this journey we may go through times when we can’t seem to find any other believers who share our hunger. That’s especially true for those who find that conforming to the expectations of the religious institutions around them diminishes their relationship with Jesus. They may find themselves excluded by believers with whom they’ve shared close friendship. But no one going through that looks on that time as a treat. It is incredibly painful and they will look for other hungry believers to share the journey with.

My favorite expression of body life is where a local group of people chooses to walk together for a bit of the journey by cultivating close friendships and learning how to listen to God together.
Shouldn’t we be committed to a local fellowship?

That has been said so often today, that most of us assume it is in the Bible somewhere. I haven’t found it yet. Many of us have been led to believe that we can’t possibly survive without the ‘covering of the body’ and will either fall into error or backslide into sin. But doesn’t that happen inside our local congregations as well?

Read the rest of this entry »

I have been reading George Barna’s book, Revolution, which is about some major changes happening in the way believers are expressing and experiencing their faith and the means through which it is made real. Barna speaks of a growing number of Christians who are disenfranchised with the traditional church model.

They have no use for churches that play religious games, whether those games are worship services that drone on without the presence of God or ministry programs that bear no spiritual fruit. They refuse to follow people in ministry leadership who cast a personal vision rather than God’s, who seek popularity rather than proclamation of the truth in their public statements, or who are more concerned about their own legacy than that of Jesus Christ. They refuse to donate one more dollar to man-made monuments that mark their own achievements and guarantee their place in history.

Barna speaks of Christians who are frustrated at being “…mired in an agonizing revolving door of trial-and-error efforts in a disheartening and unfulfilling search for truth, integrity, meaning, wholeness, connection, passion, and inner peace.” He introduces a new class of “revolutionary” believers who are “…confidently returning to a first-century lifestyle based on faith, goodness, love, generosity, kindness, and simplicity…” I, nor George Barna, am saying there is anything inherently wrong with being involved in a local church. The traditional church in America many have come to cherish– the services, offices, programs, buildings, ceremonies– is neither biblical nor unbiblical; such an organization is not addressed in the Bible. It is not about the church, it is about the Church. It is not about going to church, it is about being the Church, and for many, like myself, a lifetime immersion in the institutional church has often resulted in more barriers than channels to an authentic relationship with God.

As I have traveled internationally I have witnessed many expressions of the local church. Africa, in particular, painted a common and unfortunate picture of man’s tendency toward religion over relationship. While traveling in remote areas of Zambia, Uganda, Mozambique, South Africa and Ghana, I noticed that the young, start-up churches in the villages mostly consisted of small groups of people, meeting under the shade of a tree or in someone’s home. The worship consisted of beautiful acapella singing in traditional, African rhythms and harmonies, sometimes with drums, always with dancing. The pastor would share a message during which discussion and interaction among the believers was encouraged. But then when I visited churches in the larger towns and cities, the picture dramatically changed. The meetings happened in large church buildings with blaring and distorted sound systems. The traditional singing was lost to “contemporary worship” imported from the West, complete with full bands of guitars and keyboards and drums sets. The sermon was delivered by the “senior pastor” with great fanfare and pomp. The contrast was alarming! I felt that the village church was intimate and relational while the big city church was religious and impersonal. I believe that something was lost in the “evolution” of the African church when the Western model of a formal organization and facility and technology was introduced, and it saddened my heart.

I have a local church which my family and I attend on occasion, and where we still find life-giving teaching and worship. But we have given up a sense of obligation to attend every Sunday in order to feel that we are right with God. We reject the co-dependency and exclusivity so often found in becoming a “member” of a local church. We are blessed with a large family, all of whom are actively believers, and we have found a small community of believers who are hungry for the same authentic pursuit of relationship with God and His people, with whom we meet a couple of times a week, sharing a common journey from religion to relationship.

I recently ran across a facebook community of people who identify themselves as spiritual but not religious (SBNR.org). Although I do not personally agree with all of the spiritual views and beliefs represented on this forum, it has been refreshing to read some of the conversations. There are so many people out there who are, like me, hungry for an authentic expression of spirituality free of religion. They hunger and long for God, and I believe God longs to be found by them.

Many of the members of the SBNR community voice frustration with the judgementalism and exclusivity of Christianity. Most Christian leaders I have known would respond with indifference, claiming that God has set the standard by which He is worshiped. And, while I personally believe that accepting the free gift Jesus Christ offered through his death on the cross is the avenue through which God has invited us to reconcile with Him, I wonder how much of the rest of the “Christian Religion” really reflects God’s heart for those who don’t fit right in to the Christian culture.

Should we care about how we represent God? Should we be concerned with how others see us, and through us, Christianity? I found a list called the Top Ten Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian. Here are a few:

• You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
• You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
• You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
• Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!
• You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
• You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

Pretty scathing, huh? Although many of these views probably come from those who are hostile towards any absolute standard for morality and truth, I wonder if it should concern us that these are the kinds of impressions we give non-Christians. I have certainly seen a lot of hypocrisy and judgementalism coming from fellow Christians in my lifetime.

I would personally like to see more open and positive dialog between those of us who are believers in Jesus Christ and others who have valid concerns and questions about faith.

Few films have created so much excitement in the Christian community as The Golden Compass. There has been much discussion about the clear anti-religious agenda of Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy and the effect it could have on unsuspecting children who read the books or watch the film. I agree that there is cause to be concerned and we, as Christians, need to be pro-active in countering aggressive anti-Christian propaganda. However, the majority of articles, TV interviews, radio programs and commentaries I have seen do not well represent our Christian faith.

The average atheist or secularist who might read some of the doomsday warnings about The Golden Compass coming out of main-stream Christian circles would have to dismiss them as knee-jerk, over-reactive, religious extremism. The reason I say this is because there is very little real engagement of the authentic concerns about religious authoritarianism expressed by Pullman or acknowledgment that those concerns have some basis in reality.

We, as Christians, should be taking advantage of the opportunity to authentically engage these concerns, instead of reacting with violent, poisonous, wholesale condemnation of what is obviously a common rejection of God by individuals who have been hurt by the hypocrisy of men.

An excellent example of this kind of authentic engagement can be seen in the articles written by Tony Watkins, the Managing Editor of CultureWatch.org. I highly recommend reading all the articles written by Tony Watkins, as well as his interviews with Philip Pullman. We damage our credibility when we do not approach controversy of this kind with intellectually honest debate. Let’s educate ourselves and turn these cultural crises into opportunities.

Here are links to the articles and interviews by Tony Watkins:

• Heading the Wrong Direction
• His Dark Materials
• Northern Lights
• Pullman: not as cynical as we think?
• Philip Pullman: the most dangerous author in Britain
• Interview with Philip Pullman
• The Magisterium and the Authority
• Interview with Philip Pullman (part two)
• Talking about . . . storytelling
• Agenda squabbles
• Navigating life

To All My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

–Author Unknown