Discovering Who I Am

I have been struggling through a difficult circumstance in my life lately, and it revealed some deeply established patterns of thinking. In the face of this ongoing struggle, I heard a little voice inside myself saying things like, “when I have learned what I need to learn from this, God will present a solution” or, “if it wasn’t for my failure to (fill in the blank) God would answer my prayers” or, “God is teaching me patience and humility.”

I was mulling over some of these thoughts as I was driving when I saw a bumper sticker on the car in front of me that had a skull and crossbones and said, “The beatings will continue until morale improves!” and it struck me… I am serving a pirateship captain God!

The beatings will continue until morale improves!

I thought to myself, Blimey, that explains a lot! No wonder I have been living my life in indentured servitude– never quite being able to do enough to earn God’s favor; seeing all the booty from the hard work I do seemingly benefit everyone else but me; living my life in the “brig” because I can’t quite live up to my captains demands; scrubbing the decks and swabbing the mainplanks.

Of course, the truth of the matter is that God is nothing like a pirateship captain. But somewhere along the way I have accepted a picture of God that looks a lot like a pirateship captain. I expect that when something bad happens to me it must be God disciplining me. I remain in a difficult or adverse circumstance, waiting for God to bail me out when He has already given me all I need to break free. I beg and grovel before God for a crust of bread. I accept my lot as an orphan who has been taken in by the ship’s crew when in reality, I am royalty.

It is kind of ironic when I turn to look at who is holding the Cat o’nine tails after a flogging and find that it is me.