Discovering Who I Am

Archive for July, 2008

I had the privilege of serving Dr. John Trent by putting together the video series of his Life Mapping seminar. In this seminar, Dr. John Trent helps you to map out a course for your life and get you to your destination. The seminar (and the book upon which it is based) involves taking a revealing review of the events and patterns in your past in order to develop a “storyboard” of where you’ve been, where you are, and where you’re heading. In the opening session, Dr. Trent holds up a thousand-piece puzzle box and suggests that our lives are much like a complex puzzle with all sorts of defining experiences and events fitting together to make up the whole. He then asks the question, how difficult would it be to put this puzzle together without the picture on the front of the box?

I agree that life is much like a puzzle with each piece being a component of our identity as a whole. Some pieces are our natural, God-given personality, temperament, desires and passions. Others are defining experiences that have reinforced God’s designs. Some of the pieces make up our worldview on faith, politics, relationship; determining our values and how we might react to any given life circumstance. And throughout our life, we are assembling this puzzle. But I would like to suggest an addition to this analogy: What if there were hundreds of puzzle pieces that had been added to our box that looked very similar in color and design but did not go with our personal puzzle? And what if we didn’t have the picture on the front of the box to go by?

Every day, you and I are assembling our identity puzzle; searching for who we are. I often find myself questioning some of the puzzle pieces I find in my box. Is that piece really me, or did that come out of the “peer pressure” puzzle box, or the “institutional religion” box, or the “that’s how we do it in our family” box, or the “keeping up with the Joneses” puzzle box? I continue to try to force these pieces into my life puzzle despite the fact that they have never really fit and have caused me a lot of discomfort trying to make them fit. Whenever I am working with that particular piece, trying to fit it here or there, I lose my peace and find myself reacting with uncharacteristic anger and emotion. Yet, I did find the piece in my box, didn’t I?

Many of these pieces, I have found to be deeply established, false identity messages that came from wrong conclusions I have made about myself and about God after I was wronged by someone, or was hurt physically or emotionally. Others, upon examination, I realize got into my box at times I chose to chase the success illusion and allowed jealousy and striving in. Some pieces I recognized as left-overs from an unhealthy relationship with a past girlfriend or college party buddy, or foul-mouthed co-worker. I’ve had to toss out a lot of pieces from past life patterns of pornography addiction and people-pleasing and works-righteousness.

The big question I find myself asking is, “How long am I going to continue forcing pieces into my identity puzzle that just aren’t me?” Oh, and by the way, I did find the picture from the front of my box. God had it safely tucked away for me between the pages of my Bible.

Mom & Dad,
As I have considered God’s faithfulness to you over the last 50 years, I can’t help but see the rich heritage you have left to your children and grandchildren. With every new year I come to a greater understanding of the depth and significance of all I have learned and gained from you. Each time I learn a new principle or idea about how to live a successful life in God’s kingdom, I have found that the idea or principle is already so familiar and I stop and ask, “Where do I know that from?” Inevitably, I find it is because you had already modeled that lesson or principle.

I wanted to share some of the life lessons I have learned from my father and mother:

• The fundamental spiritual nature of life. It might be easy to take for granted, but not everyone grows up with parents who understand that everything that happens in life has a spiritual nature and spiritual roots. You have always taken that into account and I know that is a great generational blessing.
• How to look past the skin of the world and see the things of the kingdom. Your sensitivity to kingdom dynamics in every facet of life has been the foundation on which God has built mine.
• Mom, you have shown me how to love unconditionally and how to guide and encourage without judgment.
• Dad, you have taught me the difference between authority in position and authority in relationship. You have never needed position, titles or recognition to validate the quiet, confident authority God has given you.
• Leadership by wisdom and example over knowledge or position. One of the first things I learned from you is that there is a big difference between knowledge and wisdom. You have always been servant leaders.
• The importance of journey and process over expectations and accomplishment. You have always understood that God is more interested in the process than the end goal.
• A desire for experience over simple knowledge. You have not only pursued knowledge of God, but to truly experience a relationship with Him.
• How to recognize and pursue God’s spontaneous order over man’s rational structure. Man feels a need for structure, which can quickly become rigid. God desires order, but that order always comes with freedom and life.
• How to recognize truth in unexpected, sometimes abstract snapshots of life. Your gift to see the best in the oddities and quirks of others; to glean some truth or life lesson from virtually any situation or experience.
• How to create as created beings and a deep appreciation for all things created. Dad, your artistic gift for writing and painting and mom, your love for nature and God’s creation have been such a blessing to me.
• How to understand and operate in God’s economy of giving and receiving rather than the world’s economy of buying and selling. Watching you give things away rather than needing to sell them, and watching you graciously receive as God has provided for you through others has had a great impact on my life.

These are just a few of the many life lessons; the heritage you have passed on to me and the inheritance you are passing on to your grandchildren. I thank God for His faithfulness and I thank you for yours.

I love you,

Evan