Discovering Who I Am

Archive for October, 2007

I was at the park last night with my kids, sitting on a bench listening to my new iPod Touch (love it!) when a car pulled up and three guys got out with a basketball. They proceeded to change their shirts and looked like they were getting ready for some serious basketball– at least two of them did; the third must have been there just to watch, I concluded, based on several factors: He was short and stocky, with a very long upper body and very short legs (exaggerated by the sagging, over-sized shorts he was wearing). He did change his shirt along with the others which revealed a back brace. He moved as if his back was all but broken, almost waddling as he walked. “These two other guys are going to play circles around the short one,” I said to myself as it became apparent he was going to play, too.

Boy, was I proven wrong! He never moved faster than a walk (or waddle), while the other two ran. He only occasionally side stepped or spun around, while the other two pulled all sorts of fancy moves. As the three of them seemed to be playing some kind of game of 21, he somehow ended up with the ball most of the time. He would just casually reach out as one of them flew by and the ball would just magically stick to his hand. He made almost every shot he took, no matter how far away from the basket he was. I was astounded and fascinated! I couldn’t take my eyes (eye) off of him as he casually strolled around the court, beating the other two seemingly more capable players without breaking a sweat.

I thought to myself, “Isn’t this just how it is with this crazy world.” You just can’t judge a guy by the shorts he is wearing. Maybe this is why we are not supposed to judge people at all. And how often do we send negative identity messages to others based on conclusions we jump to looking at outward appearance? I wonder how often this basketball player was put in a box by others, like I did. And how often did it go beyond judging from a distance to making jokes and snide comments at his expense? Even worse; how often do guys like this never reach their potential because they believe what others say and then give up?

This incredible basketball player must have had some great motivator to transcend the judging and teasing he must have received. He had someone who believed in him, or an exceptional environment of grace such as the other two players seemed to give him. Not everyone is that fortunate and more than most never reach their potential because they do not have that someone special who will look beyond the outward and see their true identity and destiny. I will be a bit slower to jump to conclusions next time I see a car pull up at the park.

Just wanted to say hey to my brother lowell in beautiful Florida. I noticed you have been on the blog so I wanted to take an opportunity to tell you how glad I am that you are my brother and I wish I could see you more often. Tell that jewel of a sister of mine (Connie) hi and tell her that God loves her and thinks she is the greatest. (I can just see her smile right now, even from over here is Arizona).

Here is a favorite poem that reminds me of you when I read it:
THE ARROW AND THE SONG
I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where,
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of a song?

Long, Long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.
–Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

You were an arrow that was shot far into the distance long ago and we found you (or you found us I should say) and a song that was breathed into the air that has been found in the heart of our friend and brother, Lowell.

We love you and are thinking of you!

Those things we feed in ourselves are the things that grow. Our words have the power of life and death. We too often own and feed our weaknesses and prophesy over ourselves all the worst we see of our sin and habits. Much like a camera captures an image of whatever subject the lens of the camera is focused upon; we create an inner image of whatever we are focussing on the most. The more we focus on that image, the more it is reproduced in our lives.

There are two truths about my identity. There is “what is true” and that is I am a sinner who daily fails to be the person I know I should be. I think terrible things, and make terrible choices. The truth about how I behave is undeniable. However, there is also something called “The Truth” and that is I am the new creation; washed clean of my sin by Christ’s sacrifice; gifted and called to serve the King of Kings; created to be unique and talented; loved by the creator of the universe.

There is no question that we need to be honest about our sin and constantly confessing, repenting and choosing the grace of God for those areas of our lives where we are not behaving according to who God made us to be. However, God separates our behavior from our identity and sees us as the finished work He created us to be. Christ’s blood covers us and the Father sees us as the righteousness of Christ. The enemy is constantly looking to re-enforce the feeling of failure and place condemnation and a burden of shame on our shoulders. When we focus on and feed our weaknesses, we are agreeing with the kingdom of darkness. I want to agree with the one who made me and focus on The Truth about my identity.

Similarly, what we believe about and for each other also tends to be what is reproduced. Standing with God and agreeing with The Truth about those we love produces faith vision in their lives and brings life.

Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy –meditate on these things.

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,
What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?
–Psalm 8:3-4

When David wrote this Psalm, he must have been gazing up into the heavens on a clear night, struck by the beauty and complexity of creation. David may have been able to count 1,500 stars with his naked eye, yet we now know that there are an estimated 100 billion stars in our home galaxy, the Milky Way, and there are another estimated 100 billion galaxies, each with an estimated 100 billion stars!

“What is man, that You are mindful of him?” The answer to this question seems less and less likely to be found with each step we take into the limitless expanse of the universe. The more we know about the intricacies and complexities of the human body; with each new discovery and small advance of science; with each new sunset and flower blossom, the mystery of why God pursues man becomes more difficult to fathom.

Psalm 40:5 says that God’s thoughts towards you and I are too numerous to count, and they are all good. Jeremiah 29:11 says that God’s thoughts for us are of peace, to give us a future and a hope. He knew you and I and had planned out our unique personality and gifting from before time began. If you are like me, you have a hard time accepting these facts. After all, we know our failings and short-comings. I find it hard to believe that God feels good about me because I don’t feel good about myself.

The difference is that God separates our behavior from our identity. He knows who He created you to be and that you do not cease to be what He created just because you might sin at times. You and I would do well to take the lead of the creator of the universe and agree with Him about who we are. When you get under a load of self-condemnation, do you stop and check it with God before you buy it? You might be surprised by the freedom He gives you to decline carrying such burdens.

“Blessed are they
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man
whose sin the Lord will never count against him.”
–Romans 4:7-8

I like spring, but it is too young. I like summer, but it is too proud. So I like best of all autumn, because it’s leaves are a little yellow, it’s tone mellower, it’s colors richer, and it is tinged a little with sorrow. It’s golden richness speaks not of the innocence of spring, nor the power of summer, but of the mellowness and kindly wisdom of approaching age. It knows the limitations of life and is content.

–Lin Yutang

This is a poem I recently wrote of my beautiful and gracious wife, Jennifer.

Soft as starlight, warm as sunshine,
fresh as Spring blossom pink.
Slender form as willow poised,
silken brush as gentle breeze

Haven in Her embrace secure;
warm caress, solace eternal .
Peace and rest in faith abide.
Fair and trusting regard Her name

Determined to all She sets her mind;
dedicated to all upon Her heart.
Blessing with a vision faith;
believing in all the highest.

Silver essence of wisdom flows
throughout Her sable locks.
The mysteries of Her design
whisper from Her deep brown eyes.

Grace is Her expression.
Virtue is Her way.
Elegance in each movement conveyed.
Beauty frames Her countenance.

Our paths forever intertwine
unto the twilight of our journey.
She is the substance of all love;
my beautiful gift divine.

–by Evan Grae Davis

Truth is not produced by our coming to understand it. Truth is like a colossal mountain that I fail to notice because I have been walking through life with my head down and eyes on the ground. Suddenly, I lift my head and see the mountain for the fist time and somehow think that the mountain would not have come to exist if I had not lifted my eyes and discovered it.

In a similar fashion, we don’t discover who we are and then become it: we are what God created us to be from the beginning of time. As we lift our eyes and look to the Creator, our identity is revealed and we either agree with the truth and it is manifest, or we deny the truth and go on living as something we are not. Often, we give more merit to what another person said we are than we give to the one who created us. (And most often, that person does not really know who they are, let alone who we are.) Yet we agree with them without question and become the very thing we believe –like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Let us look to the Creator for our identity and agree with Him. Let us question everything we believe about ourselves and hold it up to the flame of scrutiny: where did it come from, and how did I come to believe it? Let us invite the Spirit to reveal the truth about who He designed each of us to be, and then become that very thing.

Have you given up on reaching for that greater purpose in life? Sometimes I wake up after a few months of trudging along through life to realize I have lost sight of the aspirations that once compelled me out of bed and engaged me in something larger than 8 hours and three meals a day. Sometimes, I feel like it is childish and irresponsible to have dreams. I believe God placed the passion and desire for something more in each of us because His intention is that we fulfill that greater purpose in His kingdom.

Reach high, for stars are hidden in your soul.
Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.
–Pamela Vaull Star